To The Not-So-Dear Self

Dear not-so-dear self,
If someone asked the 17 years old you to describe love in a sentence , you would say that love is like the unknown and unseen land beyond the horizon. You would say that love is the most soulful adventure you want to undertake. Dear younger self, your 22 years old self isn’t as hopeful as you. The 22 years old you feels love is another meaningless shout in the void. Love is like arrival and departure, a way to fulfill empty people and yet, never enough to fulfill them for long.
You will meet a lot of people, you won’t fall in love with most.You will fall in love with not even a handful and believe me, even though you might feel you shouldn’t have fallen in love with most of them, you won’t regret most of them later. They will all be your merry muse. You will have a crush or two. Some will have a cigarette in their mouth, and some will look at you like they already knew you. They will tell you they were a philosopher, and you will wonder how someone from a technical stream could be a philosopher. You will ask them why they call themselves philosophers and they will tell you that you are a child, a flower. I am telling you, they were someone’s bad mistake, and everybody is, you will be theirs and they will be yours.

Some will say your eyes are like the ocean, and some will say they are ordinary. Some will say they reminded them of nothing and everything. You will find eyes that are deep, earthly brown — the color of soil after torrential rains in the dark, and eyes that are worn sea glass, like a glistening copper penny kept in flames, some like sunray shining through whiskey on a bright day. Some will find yours like a hot rich cocoa, and you will find someone’s are sprinkled with tiny dust of gold. Your 22 years old self looks at eyes and smiles for a second, and smokes another puff looking blankly at the clouds because all eyes are graveyards, their and yours.
Dear 17 years old dreamer, your life might not be as you planned it. You might have to wait longer than you thought you have to for your dreams to come true. New things will come along, you might not understand the cause of many things, your 22 years old self also doesn’t but I can tell you something, whatever comes along, don’t ever wish for it to not happen. Keep looking into eyes and keep believing in love.