To Not-So-Dear Self

Dear not-so-dear self,
There are things your very ambitious 17 years old self doesn’t know and doesn’t understand. The one thing that will keep hurting you and haunting you is love. Men you will find many, just to give you company and make you realise that you ain’t loveable. Lovers, you will find none.
Some will take you to the hills on early summer mornings, and tell you about their aspirations aloud with their brows arched. You will be thinking you made too many moments, and you will think these were those perfect things that one should remember. You are wrong, these are the only things that will make your heartache. You will tell them about your aspirations and this will be a mistake you will commit but you won’t ever learn because clearly your 22 years old self hasn’t.
Some will move out of the city, some of the country but all will move out of your life, in the most unexpected of times and you will find yourself lost.You will ask them to watch a movie with you or go to the book store or maybe just sit in the same place you sat with them when you kissed for the first time just to realise that love left before you could.
I wish I could travel back in time, so that one day you will wake up to find a mixtape on your table. Some will say you are their favorite goodbye, and some will say you are the hardest one.I now know that all you need on such days is The mixtape and some coffee. It will be a mix of all the songs that we will enjoy, you then and me now.
For days, you will think of these people. You will want to call but you will never text them since they are gone. You will go to the hills alone, watch the movies alone, read the books alone and visit the deserted pavement alone and eat a tub of ice cream. It will start aching, you will start having a heartache.

You will realised that love and you are like the lost playlist you made when you were 14. Now everytime it comes on, someone else rises from inside you and looks around the crowded rooms and finds that love loves someone new.