The Knight In Shining Armour (P7)
Dear knight in shining armour,
You weren’t my first love, but you were my love that felt right, my knight in shining armour. You were my first many. This universe has a crazy habit of throwing the people you love into far away oceans and countries and different time zones. Just like what has happened with us. We ended up 1989.3kms away. We aren’t the only ones who had to face this. It has happened to a lot of people. Some people loss to the circumstances and distance loses to some. You know what holds them on? If you survive that, you can live love. You might say that the distance outgrows love, but it’s not the distance that outgrows love- it’s the priorities. Sometimes, the silence is longer than the distance in between two people. Less conversations don’t kill a relationship, it’s the silence that chokes it.
With silence killing us, and your priorities, I have realized a lot about me. I find myself extremely unfit for human interactions and for love. So, I soak myself a little too much in the hues of the clouds. My dreams and days are dipped in the depth like that of Van Gogh and Monet. I laugh a little too loud but I am sad and like some sad people, and though you will never read these letters that I write for you, I only find myself a little less lonely when I empty my emotions in a bottle and throw it into the sea. My friend finds it extremely irritating that I write to you and only you but then, some sadness cannot be healed or be reduced by sharing. I keep myself busy by taking pictures of all the things I find beauty in, most of the times they are storms, sunset, clear water or the sky. I drown myself too much between the pages of the books and though I write a lot about you, you should know that you aren’t everyone’s art.
You are the kind of art that makes someone feel, and they can see it and touch it but they cannot keep it because its beauty is too fragile to last in reality. My messiness is something you couldn’t get through. I guess, that is my biggest flaw, I don’t get attached easily but when I do, I would lose myself for the attachment. I can never be normal, like you said, I have to be in the extremes. I guess, that is the reason people find me in love, and then find me utterly unloveable.
So, I dedicated myself to my write-ups, and to my art and the purpose that I am seeking, to my weirdness, and my sufferance, and the emptiness that I feel in my chest.
You did not ask me how I am, but I guess, I am still the same claustrophobic person, who has found new away to suffocate you, suffocate you with my letters, but I can’t because my letters don’t reach you, just like me.