The Knight In Shining Armour (P6)
Dear Knight in Shining Armour,
You know, I have always been deathly scared of almost- of being very close to something that I can almost hold it, almost feel it, almost touch it, then falling just a little short, just losing it before I can have it enough. We laid there on the bed, in each other’s arms and were looking at each other. There was this song playing, I don’t remember the name but it was also your caller tune for sometime. This song faintly reminds me of late monsoon showers and the dry leaves blown by the kalboishakhi. This song faintly reminds me of my sad endings and our new beginning. This song faintly reminds of the winters in Kolkata and of the sunset in Gujarat. Mostly, this song reminds me of us. You weren’t just some boy who waltz into my life and made it better, you weren’t just some boy I fell in love with. You weren’t just some boy, you were infinity. I wanted to stay there with you, and ask you to stay for longer. I wanted you to stay for one more hour, one more day, one more week, one more year, one more life but I am telling you that no matter how much you stay, it will never be enough, just like the story you posted that maybe it is never enough, maybe it isn’t suppose to be enough. True, I will keep wanting you more.
A friend said that we are all fools in love. I did not tell him anything that day but I think it is better to be a fool than never be in love. Do you think the same, knight? The friend asked me what would I do? Would I spend my life with my one great love or would I leave everything for a life that I always dreamt of? I told my friend that I don’t know. I said that if I stay with love, I will keep thinking of all the things that could be and if I chase my dreams, I will keep thinking of all the things that I missed.
You know, some day we have to make a choice. When I told my friend that I did not know about which one I would choose, I wasn’t lying but I was lying when I told him about the disadvantages of both. There are no two different options for me. My one great love and my life that I dreamt of, are the same, were the same, you. I had made my choice the day I had kissed you for the first time. I had chosen you. I will choose you over and over again, over anything and everything in a heartbeat, although you didn’t and don’t you think was upset because you couldn’t choose me even when I was right your some friend called me out although she was wrong, I was upset that I thought you will choose me. That day, you packed your hopes and dreams very carefully into that tiny black suitcase and then you closed it and left, as if your silence said that it was time for you to go forever.
The day you left, I opened my mouth, almost said something, Almost. My life would be something else today, but it isn’t. I lost it again to another almost.